So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey. This is a singles bar.”
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please, but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne.” The bartender says, “Why the big clause?”
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks in a bar…
E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
Two dragons walk into a bar. One says to the other, “It’s hot in here.” The other snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?” The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”
Two jumper cables walk into a bar. One of them says “We’d like a couple of beers, please.” The bartender says “Okay, but don’t start anything.”
Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “We don’t serve your type in here.”
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Why did the woman bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
ƒ(x) walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t cater for functions.”
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So what will it be this time?” The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get you?” “Pop”, goes the weasel.
A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, “Why the short face?”
A sandwich walks into a bar. The landlord says, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve food here.”
A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells, “Hey! “The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”
A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk not a bar. No joke.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, “I’ll have an H2O please” The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.” The second scientist died.
A tennis ball walks into a bar. The barman says, “Have you been served?”
A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?” The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”
A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
